Where Has Time Gone?

I remember back to being in school, and how the a week before any break would drag on, yet get to the break and it would fly by. Well, I think that life, especially life with kids is like those breaks…time just flies. Cliché, I know, but true. I remember so clearly the day I had Kaylee, and now she is almost 3. Just as clear are the memories of having Logan…and he's 14 months.

Little Man is starting to get the hang of this walking thing. He stands up, gets his balance, and takes off…then gets so excited he has to drop to his knees in laughter and take off crawling at lightning speed. He is so funny.

Lately, Kaylee has been pushing some boundaries and trying out a dose of stubbornness. For the most part, she remains a good, obedient child. Because of that, the times she tries us are really…well, trying. For about a week, I thought we had the potty training thing figured out. Or rather, I thought she had it figured out. She was remembering to tell us before, even sometimes with time to spare and always refusing to have an accident. Then suddenly, nothing. Nada. Never asks to go to the bathroom. Almost constant accidents. I'm sure this is part of the process, but for real…I have more to do with my time than clean the floor and the couch! Yes, that's right…the couch. (once…only once. Thank the Lord.)

I know this phase is just that, a phase. Adam and I just have to figure out how to deal with it…when an accident is just an accident and when it might be more. The training here is as much for us as her. It's our job to learn to deal with her in the appropriate and loving manner, but boy…it sure is easy to fly off the handle.

Yesterday, we put up the tree and ornaments. Both of the kids loved it…Kaylee was a better help than Logan. ;) She carefully placed ornament after ornament on specifically picked branches. Logan in turn, came over, removed a few and tasted a few. We now have a circular gate around the tree for its protection. (You know, after Logan pulled two flowers off an ornament and brought a button to Adam, and then one to me…choking does not equal a good time, in case you're wondering.)

For some crazy reason, we decided to face the madness on Black Friday. The kids spent the night with my parents so Adam and I could get up at an hour that shouldn't be seen, to shop. Sad. Depraved. But true. We actually were able to save a lot of money, making it worth it in the end. We had a list of stores and exact items to be purchased in each store. The stores were listed according to times they opened. We were in line, near the front, at Kohl's before it opened. We still have a few things to get, but were able to accomplish most of our shopping that day.

There are so many blog posts swirling around in my head…hopefully soon I'll be able to get a grasp on them and write them. Stay tuned…

In Remembrance

Last Friday, my 97-year-old grandfather passed away. We knew it was coming, yet there was still a part of me that wondered if it would ever happen. Gran seemed to deny death on more than one occasion. Several weeks ago, Mom called to tell me unless there was a miracle, they didn't think he was going to make it through the night.

Not only did he make it through the night, he lived for several more weeks, making quite a recovery for a while. The last week, however, was basically horrible. He didn't eat or drink, and the last few days lost the ability to swallow. He was on consistent morphine to ensure he wasn't in pain as he couldn't really let us know. As hard as it was to know he was going to die, death was merciful. I miss him dearly, but I am glad he was able to go peacefully and not prolong his suffering.

Growing up, we only lived about 10 or 15 minutes away from Gran and Grandma, so we spent a lot of time with them. Jason and I were their only grandchildren, so spoiled we were. I remember countless fake fishing trips, then length of which wouldn't have even been time enough to actually catch anything…which was good because I don't think we ever used bait or lures or anything of the like. I simply wanted to go fishing, so I guess we took a pole and I probably pretended to fish for about 10 seconds and went onto the next thing…more than likely shopping.

I have never really thought about it, but I just realized they didn't keep many (or any) toys at their house, but we sure found enough things to do. I remember some dirt-old typewriters in an old, dilapidated storage shed at the top of their hill. I loved to go up there and pretend to type. I'm sure I drove them crazy with all the things I wanted to do, but they went along with it.

Gran was a man of many stories. Of course, as I was growing up I figured everything he was recounting was exactly right. I have sense learned that the stories, if true at all, were at the least embellished to the hilt.

Gran was also a man who refused to slow down, perhaps contributing to his long life. He drove his car into his 90s. Also into his 90s, he would come to our house and walk the mammoth dog around the neighborhood. One time, in fact, they bought an ice-cream cone, walked the entire way to the park by the river, and good ole Dylan hopped onto the picnic table and at the ice cream. Ahem… Right.

He was an excellent woodcrafter. Gran made the glass-door bookcase that is built into a wall at my parent's old house. He made a grandfather clock…fitting. And, though my mind is blanking out, many other things.

I miss Gran, but after watching his brothers and sister, his wife, a daughter, and almost all the other family members in his generation pass, it was time for him. His body was done and ready for rest. We all have memories to keep him alive in our hearts, so the peace we have knowing he isn't suffering anymore calms our spirits and helps us through this time.

 

Such a Big Girl

I'm so tired. Really, I should be sleeping. Now if I had a dollar for every time I read that on someone's blog, I'd be rich, but I have yet to figure out how to do that.

Ahem.

My baby girl has moved up in the world. She is now sleeping in a big-girl bed! She is actually adjusting very well at night, but naptime is not as great. I mean, really, it's light outside and all of the fun in her room is illuminated. I've opened the door at various time to find her jumping on the bed (not allowed, but ever so fun), standing on her guardrails removing letters from her wall, and playing with various toys.

I honestly can't believe how quickly she is growing up. It seems like just the day before yesterday I was bringing her home from the hospital.

It would be absolutely impossible to write down all the new things she does and says in one blog…much less when I'm so tired I really have no idea what I am writing, but here are a few:

1. count to 20.

2. count backward from 10.

3. spell her name.

4. Remember numerous words and phrases in Spanish.

5. Recount entire conversations days after they have happened. (Yes, we have to watch everything we say…I mean eh-vah-reh-thing.)

6. Recognize most letters. (Of course she's been able to say her alphabet for at least a year.)

7. Pray by herself.

8. Put on the charm when she wants to get her way.

9. Make up pretend stories and things to play.

10. Make a friend anywhere she goes.

 

Well, I suppose I'll leave it at a 10 list. I can't type anymore…

Crazy Man on the Lose!

We've been trying for months to assist Logan with walking. Most of the time, he bends his legs and crumples to the floor…then crawls off as fast as he can. Bascially what he's been saying is, "Mom and Dad, this walking stuff…not so interested. In case you haven't noticed I'm getting into everything I want to." Um, yes, we noticed. Do you remember that new confounded contraption on the cupboard? Yes dear, that's a child-safety lock to keep you out.

Ahem…anyway. Last night, almost out of the blue, Logan decided to take some small steps. All.by.himself. And now…well, the kid is crazy. Crawling is still his primary and preferred mode of transportation…I take that back…that would be being carried. But he still craws most of the time. When he walks though, he laughs and gets all crazy. He takes a few steps and then throws himself on the floor and rolls in more laughter. He squeals. He rolls. Then he takes off crawling. Then comes back and does it again.

World watch out! I may be wobbly, but I'm on my way.

Help, Please

Hey there. I'm looking for a baby carrier that I can haul lazy Logan around in. I have a snugli thing as well as a sling. BUT, I would really like something I can put to the side. You know, just like I'm carrying him on my hip, but without needing to use my hands. Because, well, sometimes, just sometimes I need my hands for other things. The other carriers I have are better suited for smaller babies, too.

So if you have a suggestion, that would be great. I'd also rather not have to spend an arm and a leg on it because well, I use those too.

So We Remember

Kids are always saying funny, silly, crazy things. Sometimes we can figure out the things Kaylee says, other times…well…

A few days ago, Adam's dad was picking on Kaylee. Immediately after he said something she started whining, or something relatively close. Deiciding to pick on Eddie, I picked Kaylee up, cuddled her and said, "Oh, did Pops hurt your feelings?"

Kaylee: "No."

However, she continued to whine. About a second later, she came over to me, "I hurt my feelings."

Me: "Where are your feelings?"

Kaylee: "They're in my shoes."

***There you have it folks, if your feelings are hurt, change your shoes. Easy as that. ;)

Pictures

Have I mentioned how much I like pictures? I like taking them and looking at them. In the near future, I need to learn how to use Photoshop. Adam bought me a training CD, which I've looked at some, but haven't really been able to take enough time to learn it. It's such a "big" program. So, in the meantime, here are a few unedited, unplayedwith, pictures. ~Enjoy~

Helping Hand

I'm hoping this will make sense. When I write later in the evening, or close to midnight, whichever the case might be, I sometimes have no idea what I'm saying. What's that? I never know what I'm saying? Okay, you're right.

The other day when we were at the pumpkin patch, yet another thing I need to post about, there was a guy who thought he dropped his wallet. Somewhere.in.the.field. Not that there were tons of people there, but before long every single person who was at the patch was out looking for his wallet. His wife ended up going home to see if he left it. Honestly, I wanted to stay longer to see if it was at home or if he found it, but we had to go after helping look for at least 20 minutes.

Not long ago some lady was walking out of Costco with her cart overflowing…a common site in that place. As she went over a bump, the entire top contents of the cart spilled out into the parking lot. Mom ran to help her, picking up all she could carry, and following them to their car to help load it.

Today, some guy was pushing his car out of the road. As soon as I saw him, some other guy was running to help him.

You may be wondering the connection…no, it was not the guy who lost his wallet pushing his car because he ran out of gas and could no longer pay for it. Good try.

The connection is all of these people, in some way, needed help. And while there are even better examples, these are real-life examples I have personally witnessed. Not only did they need help, people were there to help before they could ask for it.

I often think about ways to help people. It's easy for me, as a stay-at-home mom to get caught up in the daily things, but that is no kind of example to lead for the children I am trying to raise up in the ways of the Lord.

Here's where it gets jumbled, but in my head it makes sense. Just go with me here…

Several years ago I was walking into a fast food place, and a young boy, without prompting, saw me and opened the door for me. I may have even mentioned this before…it wouldn't surprise me because it meant so much for me. I remember thinking, That's how I want my kids to be. When I'm not around, I want them to see a need, a place to serve and just do it.

While we were helping that guy look for his wallet, I explained to Kaylee that someone else's daddy lost their wallet and we were going to help him look for it.

Even if they are not ready completely, I want them to know what is going on.

When we're visiting Adam and he has to go out on a call, I explain to Kaylee that someone is sick or needs help and that Daddy is going to help.

It's important for them to know that not everyone has everything they need. We help those we can. Serve those we can. See a need, and if we can, we meet it. We take meals to people who need them. We donate things when we can.

But, for me, there are times I struggle with this. I have a really hard time when I hear about a need and I can't do anything about it. I have a hard time when I see a homeless or needy person and can't help. If I'm alone or by myself with the kids, for safety reasons I do not ever stop to help anyone. I also have a hard time discerning if someone really needs help, or if it is a ploy.

This wasn't even a way I used to think until we were recently approached by the same woman in multiple different parking lots… The first time we saw her she told us she ran out of gas and needed money to get a little more to get home. We offered to follow her to the gas station, but she declined. She didn't really want the gas, she just wanted money.

So the whole discernment thing is something I'm working on.

I transcribed a sermon that really spoke about this, and soon I'll share some insight I gained from it because this thought/thing/process is definitely something heavy on my heart.

 

 

So Far Behind

I started a post the other night, then decided I needed to add pictures…it was supposed to be a quick download and then back to the blog. However…I did not realize there were so many pictures on the camera…over 1300 to be exact (or not so exact). Some had been downloaded and not erased…and well…it just took much longer. Like everything in my life.

 

I need to post pictures and talk about the fair. It was a long time ago, but the kids had so much fun I feel I need to capture some of the memories.

I need to blog about Logan's first birthday…I mean, really people, how can I not?

 

I need to blog about our trip to the DC Zoo.

 

I've just been running out of time to write about everything. Fortunately, I've had a good bit of work lately. I've also been working on making my own cloth diapers. By the time everything has come, and as quickly as I'm working on them, they should all be ready about the time the kids go off to college. Perfect!

 

Without time to breathe in sight, I'll just slap something down… Hopefully I'll find more time soon.

2 Going on 12

I commonly say my two year old is a 12 year old…

Case in point…

She walks into my room the other morning, "Mommy, can I borrow your belt?"

Me: Uh, sure. (Thinking…the thing could probably wrap around you 16 times, but who cares?)

Kaylee: Thank you.

…and she walks away.

Not even in school, and already she wants to borrow my clothes. Not to mention the fact she nearly plowed me over to get to my heels when I was getting ready for a show. Nice. Really, really nice.

Change…or something…

Okay, first of all, I have to say that those catchy titles that everyone else comes up with…well your secret is out and I'm going to buy the book you have. Until then…yeah, see above. That's what you get.

Ahem…

So I wrote a post about this the other day, and it wouldn't post, so quickly, because I know you're on the edge of your seat wondering…yes, I'm looking for a new hairstyle. Wow…glad I got that out there. I'm sure you're glad too. But see, the problem is I have an unruly mane very thick, hard to deal with hair. So I might see a hairstyle I love, and be totally unable to support it. So anyway…if you see someone roaming down the street resembling a beast, it might just be me, with a bad cut…or something like that.

But on to today, the real issue at hand. I woke up with a list of to-dos longer than I knew I could accomplish. I got on somewhat of a good run with it, however, and my outlook was bright. I made it through my first transcription within a reasonable amount of time.

Then somewhere, I don't even remember when, I got into a fight over Cheerios. Seriously…Cheerios.

Kaylee, plainly on purpose, dumped an entire bowl of Cheerios on the floor. So, I asked her to please pick them up. She declined. And, well, because a request like that is not declinable in this house, the cartoon she was currently being allowed to watch was turned off…until she picked up the Cheerios. She declined again. Sparing every little detail, it turned into an enormous struggle, veering off the Cheerio path and coming back.

Mind you, it wasn't entirely about the Cheerios. It was about discipline and follow through on my part, and teaching obedience and respect on Kaylee's part. And boy is it hard.

I really had too much to do to deal with it. I needed to get my work finished. I needed to work on other things. I needed to get some housework done. (Which, by the way, never got touch, let alone accomplished.) And I most certainly didn't need to get into a fight over Cheerios.

The fact of the matter was, however, that I had to deal with it. It wasn't about winning or domineering. It was about loving my little girl so much that, even though she didn't like it at the time, I taught her that her behavior wasn't acceptable or to be tolerated.

Being that Kaylee is now two and a half, struggles like this are happing more often than they used to. She is very bright, and knows how to work the system, if you know what I mean. She really is a good girl. She uses her manners almost all of the time. She is kind to her brother. She listens…most of the time. I really am not complaining about her…or really even the day we had today.

All I'm saying is that it's hard sometimes disciplining. It's easier to flip on Backyardigans, Dora or whatever and deal with it…later. But later might never come. It might always be…later. Then what?

So as tired as it might make me, and as hard as it is, I have to keep going. Press on. Pick my battles, but press on. Because I love my kids, and it can be no other way.

 

Happy Birthday Bubba

One year ago today our little Logan was born. And to state the obvious, our lives have not been the same since.

I went into labor somewhere around 4:00 in the morning. Adam was supposed to work that day, so near the time the alarm was going to go off, I told him I didn't think he was going to have to go. Being about 10 days past the due date, he wasn't too surprised. We waited a while longer before we called anyone as a week before we went to the hospital thinking we were coming home with Logan. Well, I suppose we did come home with him, just not in a car seat.

It was somewhere around noon that we dropped Kaylee off with Mom so that she could eat and have a nap.

Now, of course there had to be something else going on that day. For some reason Zoe decided she needed to have some kind of growth/spot/thing happen on her leg the day before. So throughout our entire getting ready and trying to get into the mindset of getting ready to have a baby, we were figuring out how to get her to the vet. Long story short…Jason took her and it was a fungus. No big deal.

On with having a baby…

When we got to the hospital, I wasn't too far along in the labor. (Meaning progression, not hours.)

The midwife, who happened to be on call that day…her only on call day that week…and the midwife I wanted the most, said to walk. So walk we did. We walked. And we walked. And we walked. And we walked. Stairs. THE BRIDGE. Hallways. Stairs. THE BRIDGE. Hallways. Cafeteria. Stairs. Hallways. Okay, okay, you get the point. We walked.

She told us if I had progressed even a tiny bit she would break my water, necessitating me to stay and ensuring we would have our little, albeit very comfortable, baby.

At one point, a nurse asked me some question. I am not really sure what it was, but it was something getting at if I had any depression symptoms. My response was something to the effect of, "Not unless you send me home…" To which she couldn't stop laughing. Perhaps she wasn't used to witty women in labor. I don't know.

Fortunately, after what seemed like hours of walking (oh wait, it was hours of walking) I progressed just enough to have my water broken. Thankthelord.

Therein lied the problem to my non-ability to progress. I had so much water that…well, I'll spare the details. There was a lot. Enough that we were all laughing as it… Oh, that's right. I'm sparing the details.

The hours passed and things actually started to progress. The midwife, not truly making predictions, said she thought it would most likely be evening when we delivered.

Evening came and went.

Later in the night?

Later in the night came and went.

By that time, I was so tired I really didn't know if I had it in me to do it anymore. I was all over the place, just trying to find some kind of position that would help me. I went into the bathroom (scenery change needed, perhaps?). It was there that we almost had our baby. Almost.

The nurses were funny. One came running in saying, "You can't have your baby in here!"

Oh yeah? Well, it looks like it might just be happening.

The midwife, on the other hand, was totally calm. She gathered what she needed and was prepared…and maybe a little squished.

However, having a strong firefighter for a husband isn't such a bad thing. *wink* During a three second break, he carried me to the bed where I proceeded to have our 9lb 3.9 oz baby boy at 12:08 on September 25, 2008.

Literally, from the second he was born, I could tell his personality was so different from his sisters.

My original plan had been to have Kaylee in the waiting room, for someone to bring her in, and for the four of us to spend time together, alone, before anyone else came in. Being after midnight however, my plan didn't work.

The next day when Kaylee came, she was most interested in walking the floor to show all the nurses her new purse…a present for the big sister. Oh, and I think she realized her baby brother was there too. ?? :)

 

The past year seems to have passed so quickly. From taking our little pumpkin to the pumpkin patch mere days after birth, to watching him grow and blossom into such a funny little guy.

He is really easy going, that is unless you make him mad. Oh, what a temper.

He is such a joy. He loves his big sister so much. I love to watch him watch her. He tries to do what she is doing…and sometimes it works. He hasn't started walking, but baby it's just a matter of time.

I often gaze at my children and tears just start to flow. I am so blessed. God has entrusted to Adam and me precious life, and I am at times overwhelmed by the enormity of that.

The next years promise to be filled with even more that this first one, Logan. My prayer for you is that you grow into the boy and then the man God has created you to be. You have a soft spirit already, and I pray that you will have compassion for others. When you get on the bus to go to school and there is a little lonely kid, I pray that you will be Jesus to them. Sit with them. Show them the love we try to show to you at home. Always listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. dream big and then go for it. Your daddy and I will always love you. We will be here to support you to the best of our abilities. Logan, my dear, sweet Logan, I love you more than words can express. Happy Birthday, Bubba.

My Funny Girl

Sunday, as the offering plate was about to be passed, Penny (Mimi) asked Kaylee, "Do you want to give some money to God?"

Kaylee, "Yes…"

As the girl walked off with the plate, with "Kaylee's" dollar inside, Kaylee said, "There goes God."

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Most of today has been hard. The kids were extra busy this morning as I tried to work. I was having an extra hard time with the work I was doing…for whatever unknown reason. I made naptime earlier. The kids seemed tired. The kids were not tired. Naptime was almost as horrible hard has the earlier part of the morning.

Finally…and I mean finally, they fell asleep. The house became quiet. And in my spirit there was such a release that all I could do was cry. And cry. And cry.

There is something deeply freeing about being able to cry when no one is around. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. You don't have to stop until you are ready. And you don't really have to have a reason.

I spent some time refocusing and the rest of the day went much better.

I am very thankful for a friend who encouraged me during my rough morning. Her long-distance friendship means so much to me, and I am so thankful for her.

I am also thankful for God's orchestration of even our emotions. He knows when to send us encouragement, and He knows when we need to sort things out. There have been times when I have felt sad or lonely or distraught and I've prayed for God to send someone or something to encourage me. And sometimes He chooses not to in order that I might look to Him even more.

(I'm not saying that God is not always our Encourager, but we are relational beings and there are times we need something tangible…it's just how we were created.)

And out of the times when He chooses to be my only Encourager, I have grown tremendously. And when He allows someone or something to step into my life in the exact moment I need it, there is no other explanation other than God's grace. Either way, it's God in my life…showing me who He is.

I hope tomorrow is better than today. But if it should be another hard day, I know God will lead me to the end closer to Him than I was even today as long as I keep my eyes fixed on Him.

 

Encouragement

To someone looking in, I would say they could assume that my life is perfect. I mean, wonderful, loving, talented husband. Two kids…healthy, picture-perfect cute (you know, if I could ever get them both to look at the camera at the same time). ;) Two dogs. House. Vehicles. Provisions that I am thankful every day of my life.

And yes, I will never for a second downplay my immense blessings.

But that person looking in would only get a partial view. This is the same for anyone who looks at another woman and thinks, "She has it all. If only I could be a little more like her, I'd be happy." Blessed…yes. Perfect, one to be envied…far from it. (Oh, and for the record, the Queen of Comparisons…we won't even go there.)

Lately I've felt in my spirit a quickening…a breakthrough on the horizon. Only…it hasn't come, yet. And if I don't constantly return my spirit to the focus it should have, I tend to sit down at pity party…table for one…far more than I would like to admit.

Now I fully believe this breakthrough, or whatever it is, will come. But, ah, God, can You hurry it up? Has anyone been there? You pray, wait, pray, wait…and you feel oh so close. And then nothing. Or at least it seems like nothing.

I just started Beth Moore's Esther. And although everything has been good, one line caught my attention because it was in big letters in the margin it spoke so clearly to me.

"When we trust our lives to the unseen but ever-present God, He will write our lives into His story and every last one of them will turn out to be a great read. With a grand ending."

Now this anticipation feeling...it's always lingering, but fortunately not always super-strong. Otherwise I'd be exhausted-more than I am anyway.

So I'm in for the journey, wherever it may go. I'm so excited to do the rest of the study. I have my running shoes on, ready to go. Okay, okay, okay, you got me. I have my large coffee in hand, ready to go. Go on, go on, laugh. You know you want to.

I look forward to sharing bits and pieces of Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman. Amen, Beth, you said it. And perhaps you said it best when you said that one of the hardest parts of being a woman is other women. But truth be told, in my opinion, it can also be one of the best parts of being a woman.

I truly cherish the few, close girl-friends I have.

And while I might look at some other girl and wish I could fit into her super-skinny jeans, I know that my post-baby pouch would only fall over the edge, resulting in a less than glamorous effect. But you know what? That's really okay because Ms. Super-Skinny Jean girl might be looking at my babies and wish she too could have kids. So you never know what is going on through the glass window. It might not be as clear as it appears.

 

 

 

Here and There

I can't believe it's already September. I'm mere days away from having a 1-year-old! By this time when Kaylee was little, she had been running around for months. Logan, however, is taking his time…which is fine by me! He has been crawling for a while, and is getting pretty good at pulling up and occasionally standing on his own. More on Logan later…

We just spent a long weekend in West Virginia, visiting family again. It was way too fun and way too quick. I can't wait to post pictures…but they are still on the camera.

I'm really excited about starting Beth Moore's Esther tomorrow. Her insight and presentation is truly a gift and a blessing. I come away so enriched after each of her studies, conferences, and books. I can't wait to see what this one has in store.

I've also been working on several sewing projects, so if I ever get them finished and I hope to post some pictures of them sometime soon. Unfortunately there is not a good fabric store around, so I have to order a few things online…thus slowing the projects even more.

So, that's a small bit of what has been going on, and is getting ready to go on. I have been pretty much neglecting the blog, and need to get back to it.