I hate to complain, really, I do. There are so many people struggling with so many worse things, but maybe it's venting and asking for godly suggestions more than complaing.
You see, for a good while now, it seems the majority of the time I spend my days struggling with Kaylee to get her to obey and listen. Most of the time, what I am asking or instructing isn't anything all that hard. The request to pick up a few toys, eat nicely, be nice to her brother, etc. However, all of these ultimately end up in a huge battle.
I know, choose your battles. I really feel I do. If I can overlook it, I do. But when I ask her to pick up a few toys, or start cleaning up her room and she says, "NO!" Well, that really isn't something I can overlook. To me, the issue then becomes more about her attitude and disobedience than about the mess.
She then SCREAMS with this half-real-cry and half-super-obnoxious sound for a super long time. It gets to the point that I can't even talk to her right then. Our time-out rule is the time doesn't start until she is quiet. In my opinion, if she is still screaming and yelling at me, she is still partaking of unacceptable behavior. Once she finishes, I don't have her sit there all that long.
But as much as she hates the discipline, most of the time she gets right back to the misbehaving. And.I.Just.don't.know.what.to.do.
We pray about it together. I pray for her all the time. I seriously encourage and make a HUGE deal of her behavior when she listens and obeys. I remind her how good she feels at that time, and how much easier it is to just listen and not get in trouble.
It doesn't seem to have any kind of lasting impact, though. You know the funny thing? When we do school, for the most part, she behaves perfectly. She listens and obeys and works really hard.
I think that is one of the hardest things about this is I know how well she CAN be. I know she has the ability to listen. All the tasks I am asking her to do, she has the ability to do and has done in the past.
Basically, it gets so tiring that she behaves like this. Adam and I have made a big effort to do some special things with the bigger kids. The other week we won movie tickets to see Rio in 3D, so Adam took Kaylee, paid 1 million dollars for some popcorn and a Coke, and they spent a few hours together. I think she enjoyed it, but she wasn't as overjoyed as I thought she would be.
I am trying and trying and trying to teach her to be thankful and grateful, and content, and though sometimes I seem to get through to her, it's back to the same old, same old.
Suggestions? Advice?
Clearly, this isn't something I'll ever give up on. Ever. But I'd like to get to some kind of root of this to lessen the amount of freak outs we have. They're just wearing me out. These little loves of my life are only small once, and while I am still incredibly thankful to be here with them, I'd like to enjoy the moments in the moments just a bit more.
2 comments:
I understand. Nathan is such a handful when it comes to discipline...lucky for him he's just barely 3 so we credit a lot of his behavior to his age, but still, I wish we could figure out how to make things better. My other two don't really cry and scream but they don't always listen either...especially about the whole picking-up-toys thing! One thing that has helped us a lot is when we use a chart. Have you tried that? They love to do their jobs when they can mark them off and then get a small allowance at the end of the week. We haven't been consistent with it, but when we do it, it's great. Like you said, Kaylee does know how to also be really good, so I think sometimes when she's upset, there's a reason - such as being hungry or tired... maybe. Good luck! You are a great mom and really do have great kids.
Well, that's enough to exhaust you, I'm sure! I don't remember going through much of that with my older two. Sierra has always been pretty easy going. She's my biggest helper, ALWAYS willing to help out, clean up, and take care of things. She is such a blessing to me. Makenna has struggles with helping, and sometimes with saying hurtful things to her big sis that are unacceptable {especially if she's frustrated with her}, but I wouldn't consider it trouble with obeying. If I ask her to do something, she will {but she's also 6 years old, so I certainly expect that}, *if* she remembers. I still have to give her tasks one at a time. She just can't handle multi-tasking, lol. But again, as frustrating as some of those things are, she generally obeys and listens. And always has. Now, Kam, on the other hand. She's quite the handful! But, she's 2. I also blame some of her behavior on her age, her exploration, and testing some boundaries. Still, I don't tolerate mean behavior or direct disobeying.
Has Kaylee been testing more since Samantha has been born? I know some children seem to need way more attention than others {that is definitely the case in this house!}. Makenna didn't act out when Kam was a baby, but we had some instances where she was very emotional, and I think the root of the problem was Kameryn. We made some time just the two of us to craft and connect, and it really helped. Also have to second the tired/hungry suggestion. Kam has serious meltdowns when she's hungry. She must eat very regularly, or we have issues. {Hey, I'm the same way!}. And while Sierra doesn't need a lot of sleep, necessarily, I can always tell when she's tired too. Her attitude changes.
Hopefully this is just a phase, and will continue to get better. Keep at it. You're doing great!
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